I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
