I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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