i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
