I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
