Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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