im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
