Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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