the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
