Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
