Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
