Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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