Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
