Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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