sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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