hotel room ftw
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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