how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
