I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
