I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
