Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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