So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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