In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
