That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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