what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
As shirtless as possible
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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