We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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