Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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