Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
