I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I enjoy the company of your penis
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
