the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
