2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
