I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
