I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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