I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
