We won't sleep together?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
