yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
