Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
