New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
