matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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