ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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