That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize