dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
