Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
