i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
