I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
