return my video game
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
