Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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