I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
