Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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