I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize