so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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