all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
