You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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