so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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