New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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