Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
