until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
