So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
