Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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