The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
