i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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