hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
