Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
