I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
