i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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