On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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