dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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