dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Your cock deserves a montage
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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