Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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